Dawn Summers – Random Thoughts I

by Oracle

Rating – PG (one swear word)

Disclaimer
Any similarity to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. I do not own any of the characters, or anything related to them. What I do own: My imagination.

Author’s Note
This is a set of thoughts from Dawn’s mind after the season 5 episode ‘The Gift’ but before Buffy’s funeral.

She’s gone.

I still can’t bring myself to say she’s d-d-d… the d-word, you know the one that means she’s gone and never coming back???

Buffy gave her life. For the world. For me.

She gave the only gift she had left to give.

You know what? …

I think something of me went with her.

She told me to live for her. I’m trying. I truly am.

Every second is a whole new world of hurt.

Buffy’s gone and nothing I do will bring her back.

Not even that spell Doc gave me when mom ‘left’.

See I still can’t say the d-word, even about mom.

She can’t be gone for good.

I need her. I need her here. Now.

Willow said she’d try and see if anything could be done, but she wasn’t hopeful.

Tara has been like a rock for me.

She told me about her mom.

She said things will hurt for a while but they will get better.

I want to believe her but it’s too hard.

Even these thoughts make my heart ache.

Giles has been like someone who has lost his way.

Xander and Anya seem to be handling this better than the rest of us.

Well Xander’s missing Buffy, he had known her the longest if only by a few minutes.

And then there’s Spike.

Since Buffy died he’s been so sad it’s depressing.

He hasn’t left his crypt since Buffy ‘left’.

He says that he’s in mourning.

I think I might join him.

I still need Buffy.

I need her now more than ever.

I can feel changes on the horizon.

As the saying goes ‘life manages’.

Of course there’s another saying that goes ‘misery loves company’.

I think this is because when things go wrong they tend to go wrong in a big way.

Buffy’s funeral is tomorrow.

I don’t want to go.

But I have to go.

She is my sister…

I mean she was my sister.

I need her.

Misery loves company…

That suits the way I feel right now.

Misery…

It may love company but right now I don’t care.

Because I’m miserable.

Because she’s gone.

She’s gone.

Forever.

Excuse me but I need to go and cry now, I think I’m almost out of tears.

All because she’s d-d-d-d-dead.

There I said it. Finally.

I read somewhere that death is the natural order of things.

Bullshit.

Life is the natural order.

Death is unnatural.

Oh I know what you’re thinking…

Vampires are unnatural…

But you’re wrong.

Vampires are supernatural.

Buffy I have a question for you…

How can I live for you?

I don’t know how to live without you.

— The End —